So, I celebrated my 50th birthday earlier this year. It was certainly not a big event. It was just another day, honestly. And I’m quickly realizing that being 50 has a lot of unexpected perks. Here are my top 8 reasons why turning 50 is so awesome:
1. You get to watch your children grow into incredibly great people.
You spend years worrying about whether your children will turn out okay. It’s great to witness them grow into people you like. Try to fight the temptation to remind them that you spent every dime you ever made and developed high blood pressure in the process of them becoming so great. When they have their own children, it will be a pleasant surprise for them.
2. You’ll begin embracing your weirdness.
“She should really be on medication,” after 50, becomes “Isn’t she beautifully unique?”
Use this to your advantage and let your creativity run wild. Hoarding and collecting cats, or any other animal, on the other hand, will make you appear bat-crap crazy, so stay on the gentler side of bizarre.
3. By declaring, “I’m too old,” you can get out of unpleasant situations.
When a youngin’ of 40 or less begs you to sacrifice your quiet time for a seemingly ridiculous reason, just answer no, ” I’m too old.” They frequently fall for it since they have no idea you can run circles around them. However, don’t say that to someone older than you. They’ll know you’re full of crap.
4. You’ll start getting “carded” again.
When you reach the age of 50, you become eligible for some pretty great senior discounts from AARP. Unfortunately, there appears to be a plague of rogue younger people who look way too old for their age abusing the privilege of that ten cents off a terrible cup of coffee, so be prepared to produce your ID.
5. You stop worrying about the little things.
Making dinner, doing laundry, and going grocery shopping no longer bother me. It gets done when it gets done. That’s what Hot Pockets, Tide Stain Sticks, and pizza delivery are for. Not worrying about little issues frees up my attention to consider more important life concerns such as “How can I be a better person?” and “Can I justify wearing my new jeans three times this week?”
6. You’ll suddenly transform into a fountain of wisdom.
Younger folks assume that because you’ve lived this long and haven’t lived in a box under a highway, you must have some significant insights for them. This is an excellent opportunity to recite the wise counsel your parents provided you, even if you completely ignored it when you were younger. Don’t confess to performing any of the things you’re advising against since it jeopardizes your credibility. Just remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
7. You develop an invisibility cloak.
A few years ago, I realized I was becoming “invisible” to the opposite sex. I don’t need the attention because my fiance is fantastic, but it’s good to be noticed when you’re looking sassy in your sassy pants. On the plus side, you may swagger into the grocery store looking like death warmed over and be confident that no one will notice. Win.
8. You’ll develop self-assurance in your ideas and opinions.
This is also known as “being set in your ways.” It’s too damn exhausting at this point in life to modify my position. That would necessitate a degree of interest and exertion of energy far beyond what I’m ready to invest. It’s more fun to say ridiculous things like “I believe Climate Change is a scheme by the Freemasons to take over the globe” and watch people go insane than it is to try to convince them that my opinion is correct.
These are my 8 reasons turning 50 is awesome. What are yours?